Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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