I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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