Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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