You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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