so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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