i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
even my farts smell like vagina
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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