a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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