The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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