not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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