Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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