Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
