Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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