wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
