I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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