When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
