I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
