I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
