someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
