In America we eat man semen.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
