There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
where are my eyebrows?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
