I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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