bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
