I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
