I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
