Will you blow on my dice?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
