so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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