I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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