How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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