Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
