Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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