ugly people sure do ruin things
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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