she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
