Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This baby is an asshole
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
