I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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