Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
