i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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