she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
