Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
