Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
