i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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