he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
All the doctor said was why
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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