he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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