he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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