she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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