I don't think brook has ever known best
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
