Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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