I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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