There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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