i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
