To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
