Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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