Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
