Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
