I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
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The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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