Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
