wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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