Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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