we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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