Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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