I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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