He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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