I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
