i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
