the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
