thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Someone shattered a urinal.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize