No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
