so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
