You're completely useless in the revolution.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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