Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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