and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
