just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
