I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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