at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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