NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
