i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
