I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
